There is so much guilt involved with having a disabled mother. No matter how much you do, you never think it is enough. No matter how many times I heard how wonderful I was to her, I knew in my heart that I could have done more. I know that I should have visited more, but I just couldn't get myself to go much more than once a week. In the beginning, I went to see her every day, but as the years of her illness dragged on, I went less and less, until even once a week seemed like an impossible chore. I had failed to make her well and I couldn't face it and couldn't face her.
Poor woman. She knew how hard it was for me and she did everything that she could to make it easier. She never complained when I did not visit enough. She covered up her pain and sadness when I was around, and tried to be cheerful during nightly calls. When we were on vacation, she never let us know if she was having a bad day. She knew that she was a burden and she tried to intrude in our lives as little as possible. She put on a front for me, and because she did, she gave me a life. Truly, she was as selfless a woman as I have ever known.
And, truly, she was the most courageous woman I have ever known. In the early years of her illness, when she went from cane to wheelchair, she learned to drive with hand controls. She arranged for her building superintendent to help her into her car in the morning, drove to work where the maintenance man met her and helped her out of the car, and did everything in reverse at the end of the day.
In later years, it was Sally, her incredible caretaker, who gave her the strengh to face each day, and Sally in whom she confided her despair and to whom she clung for comfort. More on Sally at another time. For now, I will just say that she became a member of our family, and we will never forget what she did for our mother and grandmother, and for us.
My mother, Inge Carol Goodkind, born in Hanover, Germany, daughter of Lotte and Hans Samuel, wife of Ted, mother of Joany, mother-in-law of Larry, grandmother of Jordan and Jamie, aunt, cousin, friend.
Poor woman. She knew how hard it was for me and she did everything that she could to make it easier. She never complained when I did not visit enough. She covered up her pain and sadness when I was around, and tried to be cheerful during nightly calls. When we were on vacation, she never let us know if she was having a bad day. She knew that she was a burden and she tried to intrude in our lives as little as possible. She put on a front for me, and because she did, she gave me a life. Truly, she was as selfless a woman as I have ever known.
And, truly, she was the most courageous woman I have ever known. In the early years of her illness, when she went from cane to wheelchair, she learned to drive with hand controls. She arranged for her building superintendent to help her into her car in the morning, drove to work where the maintenance man met her and helped her out of the car, and did everything in reverse at the end of the day.
In later years, it was Sally, her incredible caretaker, who gave her the strengh to face each day, and Sally in whom she confided her despair and to whom she clung for comfort. More on Sally at another time. For now, I will just say that she became a member of our family, and we will never forget what she did for our mother and grandmother, and for us.
My mother, Inge Carol Goodkind, born in Hanover, Germany, daughter of Lotte and Hans Samuel, wife of Ted, mother of Joany, mother-in-law of Larry, grandmother of Jordan and Jamie, aunt, cousin, friend.
posted by boomer blogster at 1:07 PM
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